Surviving the Workplace: How to Handle a Difficult Colleague Without Losing Your Sanity
No drama. It's not worth it. Just handle it like a ninja. A smile always wins.
Let’s be real—at some point in your career, you’re going to run into an absolute asshole of a coworker. It has already happened to me a couple of times. Let me share how I developed a thicker skin.
For example, in your day-to-day work, maybe they leave vague, passive-aggressive comments on your code reviews that make you question every career decision you’ve ever made. Or maybe they just love making everything more difficult than it needs to be.
I wish I could tell you that the workplace is full of rainbows and mutual respect, but that would be a lie. Instead, let’s talk about how to deal with these people in a way that keeps you sane, professional, and still on track for that promotion you deserve.
Advice 1: Look at the situation from a different angle (No, Seriously)
I know, I know. It’s easy to assume that a difficult coworker is just a terrible human being who wakes up every morning thinking of new ways to make your life miserable. But sometimes, it’s not personal. People have bad days. They have stress from things you don’t see—personal issues, or maybe they just spilled coffee all over their laptop right before a big presentation.
Before you decide that they’re out to get you, take a step back. Have they always been like this? If it’s the case, give them a little grace. You’d be surprised how many workplace “enemies” turn into allies once you see them as people first.
Advice 2: Do Not React Immediately
Ever wrote an angry email or message, only to regret it five minutes later? Yeah, me too. The next time you’re about to respond to a frustrating comment, take a break. Go grab a coffee, or just breathe for a minute. There are various quick ways to lower stress, such as doing sports, going for a run etc. Allow your emotions to cool down a bit to avoid making things worse for yourself.
Most of the time, the other person isn’t trying to attack you—they just have a different way of communicating. Some cultures value directness, while others emphasize politeness and diplomacy. What feels like rudeness to you might just be how they express themselves.
Advice 3: Adapt Your Communication Style
If you and your coworker are constantly clashing, it might be time to change the way you interact. If face-to-face conversations always end in frustration, try switching to email or messages, where you can carefully craft your words. On the flip side, if written messages feel too cold or aggressive, try having a real conversation instead.
One trick that works well in technical discussions is to avoid even-numbered debates. If you and this person always disagree, bring in a third party. With an odd number of voices, decisions become easier to reach because there’s always a majority. Simple but effective.
Advice 4: Keep Records (Just in Case)
If you’ve tried everything and things aren’t improving, start keeping a written record of your interactions. This isn’t about being petty—it’s about having evidence if you ever need to escalate the issue.
Save emails, messages, and comments that highlight problematic behavior. If possible, get a neutral third party’s opinion to make sure you’re not overreacting. Sometimes, what feels like an attack is just a miscommunication, but if multiple people see the same problem, you know it’s not just you.
Advice 5: Know When to Walk Away
At the end of the day, some people are just toxic. Or they just don’t like you in any case. It happens. If you’ve tried every strategy and they’re still making your life miserable, it might be time to move on. That doesn’t necessarily mean quitting your job—but maybe switching to another team or project.
No job is worth burning out over. You have decades ahead in your career, and trust me, you don’t want to spend them constantly fighting battles that drain your energy.
Final Thoughts
Handling difficult coworkers is part of the job, but it doesn’t have to consume you. At first, I found dealing with those assholes challenging, but over time, I realized that their pushback helped me grow. I became better because of it. The key is to stay adaptable, keep your emotions in check, and recognize when it’s time to step back. Whether it’s through perspective shifts, better communication, or strategic distancing, there are ways to protect your sanity while still being a team player.
By the way, sometimes HR can help, but what I often observe is that they mainly try to minimize damage on a larger scale and go to bureaucracy. They may also start a counter that you might be a conflict person.
And if all else fails? Remember this: some people are just difficult, and that’s their problem—not yours.
Have you ever dealt with a workplace nightmare? How did you handle it? Drop your stories in the comments—I’d love to hear how others have survived the chaos!
Until next time,
Adlet
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